What Makes A Man

I don't know if he's been hearing it in school this year, but since September, Jack has been asking for me to "shave his mustache."  Sometimes he asks several times a day and I caught him a few times looking for the shaving cream. I previously hid all the razors and scissors since he's already taken them to his hair and eyebrows, and I've been terrified he would hurt himself in a bad way.  For the last few months he's been desperately trying to remove his facial hair with a washcloth and water. I know he is 14, but I was hoping to wait at least another year to go down this road. He's been doing really well with the other obvious changes taking place and oftentimes I thank God he is not a female. I've had many mixed emotions with this, because I have been reminded over and over again how rough things would be when he was older and we could no longer take care of him. And the clock is ticking fast.

What makes a man anyway? It cannot just be body hair and a deep voice. A real man is responsible for himself and potentially any others that may come into his life. He can hold down a job and communicate with other humans in a mature fashion.  But here is my autistic child who certainly resembles a young man, and needs around the clock supervision and care. Biologically, he is still destined to change, as we all age and appear different on the outside at various points in our lives.  The difference between another person and Jack is that emotional and mental metamorphosis happen alongside the physical. 

A few days ago a mentor took Jack rollerskating but had to remove him from the ring because he kept skating up to girls and grabbing their hands. He is not a big guy, but knows nothing of boundaries, and in his innocence, just wants to skate with them. I've seen him turn his head more than once looking at pretty young things on a beach or at the mall, and we have joked about his love of women. And this is because somewhere he is a man in the making.  So, on one hand I am happy about this maturity he is displaying, and on the other hand I am crushed, when the young ladies walk away laughing.  Teenage girls are often cruel and a few times now I have felt the need to interject by saying, "He is autistic...he thinks you are pretty." And with my husband's piercing eyes and my father's million-dollar smile, those girls would have been crazy for him, I know, if things were different.

And so, it goes on...

My husband came home this afternoon with an electric shaver, as a gift for Jack. He stopped asking me to remove his mustache a few months ago, but the last few days he has been pretty adamant about it again and the hair is growing in thick and dark.  Right before the big moment, I found him sitting in our master bathroom and he said again, "Please shave my mustache." And so, it was done. I held up the mirror so he could see his new face and he beamed from ear to ear. The young man who just shaved his mustache for the first time still needed help in the shower and I lovingly put him in the tub and washed his hair. We called my father and my brother to share the news.

I am sitting alone now, writing this blog, while the kids are playing with their iPads and my husband is shoveling snow. And, I will admit, am having those mixed emotions again...but this time they are accompanied by a little bit of hope, because it finally dawned on me what makes a man. A real man is a good man. A real man is an honest man too. And when Jack stands before God one day, hopefully a long time from now, God will say, "You have been a real man, Jack. Enter into My Kingdom."  And so, my prayer now will be that Jack will be the best man he can be, the man he was designed to be, always loving, always gentle, always REAL. That is a dream guy enough for me.

May You Always Recognize The Blessings.

This is the Jackman with me the morning after his big day.

I found him in our master bathroom admiring his face,

minus the mustache. He said, "Take a picture, please."

And so we did. As you can see he was just beaming.

 His happiness was such a gift.